Life update and unexpected rant.

     It's been a long couple of weeks, been working on keeping up in school, the dance group, socially, cats, family, friends, Robert, and spiritually. It's been a crazy balancing act..so I can't wait til the dance group finally performs and will allow me to free up some time. But of course we plan on doing another show but we seem to all be in agreement that it needs to be after this semester is over. Most of us girls are pretty busy with school, work, and other commitments we have made this semester. Are show is this Saturday...three days away I am so nervous, but we got this!!
     The days have just been flying by this year, I cannot believe we are almost in March now, It's probably due to the increased acceleration of our planet..or maybe it's just because at this time everything seems to be picking up speed because everyone's busy..or maybe it's both... I have to finish up two scholarships before the deadline, which with Mercury retrograde has made a bit difficult since I keep having delays. But I have been asking the God Mercury aka Hermes to help me in travel, deadlines, and all that can go wrong in this retrograde. I have had a few technical difficulties and my mind has been really forgetful lately, but so long as I ask for help, continue throughout the retrograde in patients, self reflection and communicate carefully  I should be fine.
     This next month what I will be working on most is getting my shop up and running. I have been slowly working on it but I have yet to start making more items, taking pictures (Thanks to my practically new camera's lens not working had to get that fixed..which it is now!!), nor put them up on Etsy or my Facebook page yet. I have been so busy with school, friends, family, the dance group, and making my love happy. But I need to definitely spend some home time and get some stuff done!!! Also wanted to start making more YouTube videos, I haven't done them in a while because my iflip stopped working and my webcam doesn't work as well for videos...especially since I run around a lot with the camera haha...which reminds me I have one to put up right now from Imbolc!! **Goes to post it up on YouTube**..for those of you who do not know my channel it is: SunShineTheWitch's Channel      **Video is now uploading!!**

      Ugh, my Mom just came into my room to complain about my Dad...she just can't not talk shit about him at some point. I do not want that negativity in my room...I think I need to have a talk with her about it...like do not come to me..especially in my room which is my sacred space to spew your negativity in...now I feel irritated and icky..because she was so into the shit she was talking that she didn't even want to listen to ANYTHING I had to say..it's my room dude..and you came to me..to pour your negativity on me and then leave...I do not appreciate it..nor do i want her letters in my room anymore, those are the two things that she needs to abide by before I go crazy. 1. No spewing negativity in my room..do it in your room..I don't want your negativity nor do I want to hear it when I'm busy or trying to do homework..I know you don't feel that I am busy nor do you care but it kind of pisses me off. 2. No more notes under my door, it always puts me in a bad mood because of bad experiences when I was little..like 10 and you'd leave me 10 page notes on what I did wrong, what I needed to do, and if I didn't do what you'd tell me to do then I'd be in some kind of trouble...or I was so horrible for leaving dirty dishes..I was a kid..and even as a teen..I was just a teen..and even though I clean my own dishes and work my ass off I feel taken advantage of because you do not appreciate it. You tell me how much I used to love your notes, yes used to because you crammed that shit down my throat so much I loathe seeing them..I feel it's an invasion of my sacred space, puts me in a bad mood in the morning instantly because I still have the same feelings as when I was younger..but worse..So no more of that. And by the way if you want to come into my room and complain about Dad spending money, you best expect I am going to say something about the Car he has owed me since 2010. Yet you "don't want to get into that" with him because you don't get into everything else with him..that's my job...how? I'll just make it worse...because it will be "disrespectful" to him to ask for such things...but yet he promised it to me for when i graduated high school..I want my car...My mom says..well you practically own my car...and I'm like yes well that's all an good BUT 1. not the point and 2. Whether she wants to admit it, or even like it (which she wont) but the time for me to move out is coming soon...I can feel it..if I stay here too much longer I feel it really can damage my relationship with my mother. I'm 22, my boyfriend Robert and I have been talking about moving out..within the next year or so..and I'm hoping sooner rather than later. And my Mom and I's relationship is already being strained..since she doesn't understand that I'm not that 10 yr old she can tell what to do anymore..I am an adult..who is dependent on her mother still....but I am not a maid, I am not to be spoken down to or treated like a child...I feel there's a thin line...she argues that we are NOT roommates..but we are...she will always be my parent, my mom, but at this point the child/teen/adolescent part of our relationship needs to be let go. I'm not saying I don't appreciate all my mother does for me, I mean she lets me live here for free, lets me have friends and boyfriend over whenever,  allows me to use the car for school and almost anything I want, lets me practice my spirituality however I please and even has long enthralling convos with me about spirituality itself..I am well aware of how lucky I really am..but that doesn't discard the fact that she can't tell me to do something "right now"...I do go to school and get paid for it, working on filling out scholarships, volunteering for my horticulture club events, being the President of the Horticulture club, taking care of my animals, myself, my spirituality, the dance group, spending some time with my boyfriend who by the way lives 40 mins away, and trying to get my shop up and running...so it's not like I'm sitting in my room all the time doing nothing..and when that does happen..on a very rare occasion..it's because I want and NEED to relax...and I also have fibromyalgia to deal with so that makes each day a little harder than the average person's day...because If I overwork myself, eat something wrong, or get stressed out/irritated..I fall ill...my body aches and then my head hurts..may get nauseous depending on the day..and it's a lot to handle..While she doesn't really do much of anything at all...all day...she makes herself sick by eating bad food, junk food, meat, no exercise ever, never going out into the sun, refuses to have any normal sleep schedule, never drinks water, or even go to the doctor..she has high blood pressure, osteoporosis, and her teeth are falling out...yet she wonders why she doesn't ever feel good, and wonders why I get irritated when she asks me to do something last minute, or why I don't have time to sit and watch TV all day with her, or even a conversation..because when I'm busy it doesn't seem like she gives a damn because she isn't busy...so my time is irrelevant. I have things to do...and if you need me to do something..ask ahead of time!
Anyways...enough with my rant..phew..I feel better..haven't written that much in a long while. I'm not trying to be negative but if I kept it in any longer I would have exploded..it looks like I need a good talk with my mom..but that will have to wait til I get other things done, and I am more calm...lol.
Off to go get things done academically before I get picked up for dance practice, then have to come home and go to sleep to get up at 6am tomorrow..yay!! So much...to do..glad I took only 7 units this semester..for the first time ever of not being a full time student..still feels like I'm doing just as much work..hopefully everything balances out soon..you all have a blessed night!!
Much Love,
                SunShine